Electronic Candy: Navigating the Digital Age with Children

In today's world, parents face an unprecedented challenge: protecting their children in the digital realm. While we've long focused on physical safety, the online world presents new and often invisible risks.

This guide will explore four main categories of online risks, delve into the impact of social media on our children's well-being, and provide strategies for parents to navigate this complex digital landscape. We'll also discuss the pros and cons of giving children smartphones, the importance of boredom in fostering creativity, and the pitfalls parents should be aware of in their own digital habits.

We work hard to protect our kids in real life but we don't pay as much attention to online risks

— Jonathan David Haidt, American social psychologist and author, Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University Stern School of Business

We will go through the following parts:

• Understanding Online Risks
• The Impact of Social Media on Children
• Reasons for Giving Kids Smartphones (and Alternatives)
• The Importance of Boredom and Creativity
• Parental Strategies and Pitfalls

Understanding Online Risks

Let's start by examining the four main categories of online risks that children face in today's digital landscape:

Now, we must start by saying that your social media feed is not the same as your kids'. They are tailored differently. For instance, if a child watches a video about dieting on TikTok, the platform may start recommending more extreme content related to body image or eating disorders, amplifying harmful messages.

He testified on January this year that: 13% (bluntly 1 in 8) of teen users of ig said they had received unwanted sexual advances and had seen bloody or disturbing images. 28% of general users had witnessed bulling or harassment. On the span of one week.

— Arturo Bejar, former Meta engineer.

This is how images are blocked on Instagram. Just a tap away to be seen.

The algorithms are very smart in the sense that they latch onto things that people want to continue to engage with. They develop feedback cycles where children are using Instagram to self-soothe, but are exposed to more and more content that makes them depressed.

There's been a significant decline in the percentage of teens who are satisfied with themselves since 2012. This decline correlates with the rise of social media platforms, suggesting a link between increased social media use and decreased self-esteem.

This is not just for Instagram; it also happens on platforms like Roblox chat. In January this year, the WhatsApp age limit lowered from 16 to 13 in the UK, and it's going to be worldwide policy in the following months. The trend, as you can imagine, is definitely still going younger and younger.

The algorithms develop these feedback cycles where children are using social media to self-soothe, but are exposed to more and more content that makes them depressed.

Understanding how technology has evolved can shed light on why these issues have intensified.

TikTok is especially influential. Kids love stories. People have told children stories from the dawn of time. TikTok, however, offers tiny snippets that often don't add up to anything coherent. They're often disturbing or designed to shock, making it much more addictive. Kids can get hooked on it more so than on Netflix or other platforms.

There is no easy way to make smartphones and social media safe for our children—perhaps no way at all.

The Impact of Social Media on Children

With these identified risks, let's explore how social media specifically affects our children's social lives, mental health, and overall development.

Smartphone adoption was the fastest in history, reaching widespread use in a fraction of the time it took for technologies like the telephone or television.

To put this on numbers, the average American teen spends 4.8 hours on social media per day (YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter—Gallup 2023).

Worst age for social media:

A study led by psychologist Amy Orben analyzed two large British data sets and found that the negative correlation between social media use and satisfaction with life was larger for those in the 10–15 age group than for those in the 16–21 age group, or any other age bracket. They also examined a large longitudinal study to see if British teens who increased their social media use in one year would report worse mental health in the following year's survey. For those in the peak years of puberty, which comes a bit earlier for girls, the answer was yes. For girls, the worst years for using social media were 11 to 13; for boys, it was 14 to 15.

Here's what happened:

When phone-based social media platforms emerged in the early 2010s, they did not just take time away from real-life friendships. They redefined friendship for an entire generation. They removed the requirements of effort, loyalty, and even meeting up, and replaced them with following each other back, exchanging a #likeforlike, and posing for selfies together.

There's been a significant decline in the percentage of teens who meet up with friends daily since 2000. This decline correlates with the rise of social media platforms, suggesting that online interactions are replacing face-to-face friendships.

Facebook made becoming friends as easy as clicking a button. They took teenage friendship—which used to be full of friction, thrills, and adventure—and made it another activity to do on a screen. As a result, many of us don't have friends anymore; we have followers. We don't deeply care about each other's lives; we consume them as content. Now, friends are for forwarding each other memes that our algorithms sent us first.

Friends become numbers.

The chart shows an increase in the percentage of teens who often feel lonely since 2007.

Similarly, there's a decline in the percentage of teens who have a few close friends they can get together with.

Internet Is Not Social Media

Social media is very different from everything else. It's a distorting mirror, not a true connection device. If particular applications have been proven to cause cognitive decline, we should address those apps, not the devices used to access them. We must remember that social media is accessible on all devices, not just phones. The friction is primarily around social media apps, which are highly addictive and interfere with normal childhood development. There's substantial evidence suggesting these apps are damaging educational outcomes.

Key Takeaways

• Social media can negatively impact children's mental health, especially during critical developmental ages.
• Real-life friendships are declining due to increased online interactions.
• Parents can mitigate risks by delaying smartphone ownership and encouraging offline activities.

Reasons for Giving Kids Smartphones (and Alternatives)

With these impacts in mind, many parents grapple with the decision of when and whether to give their children smartphones. Let's examine the common reasons and potential alternatives.

Communication

Non smart Phones

Consider providing your child with a basic cell phone that allows calls and texts but doesn't support internet browsing or apps. Brands like Nokia and Alcatel offer affordable options that ensure your child can communicate without exposure to online risks. Antel has two models on stock:

Basic phones offer basic communication without the risks of smartphones.

Schoolwork and Entertainment

We don't need a smartphone or social media for either of these things. You can use an iPad or computer. Screen and device guidelines:

• Keep screens in public places in your house.
• No screens in bedrooms.
• The bigger the screen, the better.
• Activate parental controls.
• Establish family policies and communicate them clearly.

The Brick

Allows you to block everything but ie: spotify. No subscription. Works on multiple devices. www.getbrick.app

Installing a Global DNS Filter

A global DNS filter, like nextdns, can be set up on your home network to block inappropriate content across all devices. This adds an extra layer of protection for your children when they are online. Instructions on this and more on the At home chapter.

Keeping in Touch with Peers (Not Feeling Left Out)

Kids are aware of the negative effect of phones and social media on themselves but feel they can't avoid them because everyone else is using them. When asked, "Why don't you just quit?" they often say, "Well, I can't because everyone else is on it. If I quit, I'll be left out and won't know what people are talking about."

The Importance of Boredom and Creativity

While technology offers endless entertainment, it's crucial to understand the value of boredom in fostering creativity and problem-solving skills in children.

Current demand TV is not a good thing for kids. It can be a real battle to get kids away from a cartoons and series.

Not so long ago, we had to wait at least a day for the next episode, or often a week, or more! TV was actually "seasonal", which it no longer is.

Many of us experience anxiety or burnout because we don't allow ourselves moments of doing nothing...a moment where the brain can catch up with all the bombardments of information. In the past, we had moments when we were bored. Now, we always have a phone or other screen.

Lets take a simple daily case: replying to messages.

Sometimes it takes days, even weeks, to get back to people. We constantly find ourselves typing out some variation of the words sorry for not getting back to you sooner, It's an endless loop: feel pressured to reply, feel guilty for not doing it, procrastinate, feel worse the longer we wait, finally apologise, they respond—and then we do it all over again.

Gen Z is particular feeling this constant pressure who let all their messages pile up to the point where they can't face explaining themselves to everyone. Who can't focus on work because they're thinking about all the unanswered emails in their inbox. Who can't be present in the moment because they're worried about all the people waiting for a reply.

We're expected to always be available.

We take our smartphones everywhere. There's just no excuse not to get back to someone straight away anymore.

The problem is how easy and effortless it is to find entertainment these days.

When kids are bored, there is a flow of requests. First, they ask if they can watch TV. Then they ask if they can play video games or use a smartphone or iPad. Then they ask if they can go to a friend's house. If you keep saying no to all the distractions, they typically will enter a complaint phase about how they are bored, but after a bit of boredom, they enter a very imaginative state where we can end up with some top-tier kid games.

3-6-9-12.org Recommends:

Avoid using screens while interacting with our kids, including during meals and playtime>

It’s unrealistic to think that we’ll never look at our phones when around our kids, but it makes sense to minimize this whenever possible. Across studies, when parents are frequently interrupting interactions with their children, children showed worse psychosocial outcomes. In particular, when parents are distracted by their screens, children may show more behavioral problems to get their attention.

Old Games Are Great:

Introducing children to classic PC games from the '90s can be both entertaining and educational. These games often feature challenging gameplay that encourages problem-solving skills and perseverance. Unlike modern games, these classics typically lack tutorials, requiring players to figure things out on their own or collaborate with friends. This absence of hand-holding fosters critical thinking and resourcefulness. One of the most significant advantages of these older games is their focus on creativity and problem-solving without the constant push for in-app purchases common in many modern games. This allows children to fully immerse themselves in the game world without distractions or financial pressures. Many of these classic games are now playable directly in web browsers, making them easily accessible. While the difficulty of these games can be frustrating at times, the sense of accomplishment when overcoming challenges can be incredibly rewarding for children. This experience teaches valuable lessons about persistence and the satisfaction of hard-earned success.

• gamesnostalgia.com
• myabandonware.com
• playclassic.games

Patience and Consistency

Maintaining patience and a neutral demeanor is essential when enforcing screen time rules.

It's been so nice getting to interact with you for these past six years. Here's your first device.

Parental Strategies and Pitfalls

Armed with this knowledge, let's look at strategies parents can employ to navigate the digital world with their children, as well as common pitfalls to avoid.

Pitfalls

When you say "no YouTube, no gaming, but you're allowed to use Scratch," there's a risk they'll just browse Scratch's endless catalog of games made by others (plenty of which are impressively fun). So then you might feel you need to say no to that too. But then your children would use Scratch with a YouTube tutorial. That means there's the addictive recommendation cycle right there on the screen too.

Hypocrisy

In order for parents to do this, they must themselves use their phones as tools and not entertainment. Kids are great at spotting hypocrisy. If parents are seen scrolling through Instagram for hours, and then they tell their kids not to do the same, the kids will know their parents aren't being truthful.

If we, as parents, are glued to our smartphones, it's challenging to advise our children against excessive use. Our actions speak louder than words. The parents need to address their own digital habits first. Our children learn a lot from watching what we do. If we can't stand to be bored for an hour, will they?

As parents, we need to model the behaviors we want to see in our children. This includes how we handle boredom, stress, and our own relationship with technology.

Modeling Digital Balance

Set aside designated "device-free" times, such as during meals or before bedtime. Use this time to engage in family conversations, play board games, or read together. By demonstrating that you value offline activities, you encourage your children to do the same.

The best approach is to teach children to use phones as tools, not entertainment. Not providing them access to a computer because there are bad addictive things on computers is like not teaching kids to read because there are harmful books.

How do we protect them from hundreds of PhDs spending their days optimizing their apps and websites for addiction? These companies employ hundreds of PhDs, psychologists, and data scientists who spend their days optimizing apps and websites to exploit psychological vulnerabilities. As one expert grimly put it, "Here, you're on your own, against the trillion-dollar companies who employ entire teams of psychologists to identify and exploit addiction mechanisms." This stark reality highlights the need for parents to be vigilant and proactive in managing their children's digital experiences.

Zuckerberg:

'I'm sorry for everything you've been through'

We cannot assume children (on average) have the same capacity to make reasoned decisions as adults so long as we just "teach" them. It's also true that the Internet has enabled a lot of deliberately addictive content. Phones keep that content constantly at hand. But it's difficult to avoid having a phone since they also provide utilities. The only way to not be involved in this is to legitimately be a counterculture family, regardless of what society is doing.

Fostering Open Communication

Engage your children in conversations about their online experiences. Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgment to encourage honesty and trust.

It's clear that there's no one-size-fits-all solution. However, the key lies in understanding the risks, being aware of the impact of technology on our children's development, and striking a balance between embracing the benefits of the digital age and protecting our kids from its potential harms.

Remember, our own digital habits play a crucial role in shaping our children's relationship with technology. By fostering open communication, setting realistic boundaries, and modeling healthy digital behaviors, we can help our children develop the skills they need to thrive in the digital world while preserving the irreplaceable value of real-world experiences and relationships.

As technology continues to evolve, so too must our strategies for parenting in the digital age. Stay engaged, and most importantly, keep the lines of communication open with your children as you navigate this journey together.